Therapy for relationship difficulties in Nottingham
I'm Mandy van Zwam, a psychotherapeutic counsellor, and I offer one-to-one counselling and psychotherapy for adults whose relationships keep hurting, in Beeston, Nottingham, and online across the UK. That might be a partner, a parent, a friend, a boss, or a pattern that follows you from one relationship to the next. I work with individuals, not couples.
My private practice opens in 2027. Sessions cost £80 for 50 minutes, in person or online, and we start with a free 20-minute discovery call. Until then, your GP or NHS talking therapies can help.
What brings people here?
The same argument for the fifth year running. Choosing partners who turn out to be unavailable, or unkind, or exactly like the last one. Feeling lonely inside a relationship that looks fine from outside. A parent who still gets under your skin at forty. Losing yourself in other people's needs and then resenting them for it. Finding it easy to start relationships and impossible to stay in them, or the reverse. A break-up that you can't seem to get past.
None of these means there is something wrong with you. They usually mean that something you learned about closeness, a long time ago, is still running the show.
Why look at relationships in therapy?
Because we learn how to be with other people from the first people we were with. Whether it was safe to need someone, whether love had conditions, whether conflict meant the end of everything or just a Tuesday: these lessons were learned before we could question them, and they shape who we choose and how we behave once we have chosen. My training is in transactional analysis, which has a clear and generous way of describing these patterns, and of showing where a choice is possible that never felt like one before.
This is also why I work relationally. What happens between you and me in the room is real, and it is information. If you find yourself apologising to me, or managing me, or waiting for me to be disappointed, we can notice that together, gently, and be curious about where it comes from.
What if the problem is the other person?
Sometimes it is. Therapy with me is not about persuading you that everything is your fault or your responsibility. Some relationships are unsafe or simply over, and part of the work can be seeing that clearly and deciding what to do. What we can change in here is your side of the pattern: what you tolerate, what you expect, how you speak up, and what you do when someone lets you down. That turns out to change a surprising amount.
What patterns do I often see?
- Pleasing. Keeping everyone happy, never quite saying what you want, and then feeling invisible or quietly furious.
- Withdrawing. Going quiet or cold when things get close, and losing people who read it as not caring.
- Testing. Pushing people away to see whether they will stay, and then being hurt when they don't.
- Rescuing. Being drawn to people who need fixing, and finding there is no room left for you.
- Repeating. Choosing, again, someone who feels like home in a way that isn't good for you.
Most of us have more than one of these, and they made sense once. Naming them is not the same as blaming you for them. It is the start of doing something different.
Photo to come: Two chairs or a bench, at Highfields or by the river
What will sessions be like?
A conversation, weekly, at your pace. We start with what is happening now and follow it back to where it comes from, then forward to what you want instead. I will not tell you to leave, stay, forgive or confront anyone. I will help you understand what you are doing and why, so that whatever you choose is a choice. If at some point couples therapy would serve you better, I will say so and help you find it.
What happens next?
My private practice opens in 2027, and you can join the waitlist now. When a place comes up, we start with a free 20-minute discovery call. If we go ahead, we meet weekly for 50 minutes, in person in Beeston, Nottingham, or online from anywhere in the UK. Relationship work often benefits from being in the room together, and it also works well by video; we can talk about which suits you.
You can read more about me and my training, or see common questions about sessions, cost and confidentiality.
Nearly there!
I've sent an email to . Click the link in it to confirm your place on the waitlist.
Nothing there after a few minutes? Check your junk folder, or .
Common questions
Do you see couples?
No, I see individuals only for now. If your partner also wants therapy, they are welcome to contact me separately, or I can suggest where to find couples work.
Can therapy help me get over a break-up?
Yes. Grief for a relationship is real grief, and understanding what the relationship meant to you is often what lets it end.
My difficult relationship is with my family. Is that still relationship therapy?
Very much so. Family patterns are where most of the others began.
I keep choosing the wrong people. Can that change?
Yes. "Wrong" usually means familiar. Once you can see what you are recognising in someone, and where that recognition comes from, you get to choose with your eyes open.
Can we work in Dutch?
Yes. Therapy in Dutch.
Where I see clients in and around Nottingham
In person at Highfields Therapy in Beeston (NG9), a short tram, train or bus ride from Chilwell, Attenborough, Bramcote, Stapleford, Wollaton, Lenton and West Bridgford. Online by video anywhere in the UK.